Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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