I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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