we have officially lost it.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
