He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
