and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
