I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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