Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
