I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
