when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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