I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
