Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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