my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
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I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
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I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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