If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
