Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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