he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
