I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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