you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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