Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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