you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
