So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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