i will never coherently bang her
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize