Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.