he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now