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i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
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