ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I feel like abortions should bother me more
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.