john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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