The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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