uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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