We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
