I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
