I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize