Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
