so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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