So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
