I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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