I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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