Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
