at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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