i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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