You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.