nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
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Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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