ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
hahahahaha turkey breast
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.