he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.