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i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
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