Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I intend to get homeless drunk
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So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
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I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?