Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
did i walk over a car last night?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
