Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I stole a fireplace last night.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
