And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
