She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
