Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
i think my cat just said my name.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
