i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
