You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
