If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i will never coherently bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
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