the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
