how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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