White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
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Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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