I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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