i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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