a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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