We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
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Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
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You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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