I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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