Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
