I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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