I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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