So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
