they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
