For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
