Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
