Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
