i jhust puked up my retainher.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I want a musical about memes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
