you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
