The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
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u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
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Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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